This is Not Your Father's Hospital Bed-Part III: Looking Forward Instead of Looking Back

Before Photo: This is what a typical standard hospital bed looks like when they ship it to you. Note the universal headboard and footboard.

After Photo: This is Dear Son's new Tendercare Bed. The Tendercare bed features a patented "slip over" headboard and footboard; the headboard and footboard just slip over the hospital bed. The hospital bed remains fully functional.

I remember being the in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) with Dear Son, just a few weeks ago, wondering if I would get to take him home. We are getting to the point, where one of these times, he is not going to make it. I was hoping and praying that this would not be the time, knowing full well, that all of his time is currently “borrowed”. As the chest x-rays flip flopped, I became more worried, one day they would be worse, the next day no change and then the following day, it would be a little worse. One tell tale clue that things are generally not going well, is how long you stay in the PICU; I usually will ask how long Dear Son will be there, so I can schedule my work around it. When I asked this time, they said two weeks. Today, hospitals move you in and move you out so when you stay in the PICU you, you know you are in serious trouble.

A close up of the nightstand. I made the lampshade.

Luckily, Dear Son made it through. Once he was transferred to the Pediatric floor, I began to think about going home. Once you have been there long enough, you know the steps: PICU first, Step Down, pediatric floor then home. But there was something different this time, Dear Son was getting his new hospital bed and we had been waiting for it to be shipped. We had something to look forward to.

Looking forward to something, is not something that happens very often when you care for someone chronically ill. Your life somehow changes over the years, as his needs increase, my life as I used to know it, disappears. My life and his life become melded into one where survival for both of us, is the only goal.

Before Photo: This is what a standard hospital bed looks like when they ship it to you. Most are used and nearly all come in this awful brown color. In the first photo above, I painted the headboard and footboard black.

I remember many years back, when they recommended a hospital bed. It was very depressing. The hospital beds, most of them used, are shipped to your house. More often than not, they bill the insurance for the bed as a rental, until the purchase price is met, then it becomes yours. Yippee. Not. No one wants an ugly, used, hospital bed as their bed. And what’s worse is that the worse the patient gets, the more time you get to spend there. Not only are they ugly, but your bedroom begins to look more like a hospital room and less like a home. And that is where our new bed comes in.

Gary Owens, started Tendercare Beds, a short time ago. As a woodworker, he created a bed for his wife, Gina, who had a hospital bed of her own. With his slip on, slip off, headboards and footboards, he changed an industry. No longer are hospital beds something to be avoided, but now they are something you can have, and be proud of. It no longer matters if the insurance company only pays for a used hospital bed, because you can make it new with a Tendercare bed. You no longer have to be ashamed to get a hospital bed for your loved one. You no longer have to be ashamed to let someone see your bedroom. But most of all, you don’t have take away your kid’s bed, and replace it a hospital bed. Can you really look your child in the eye, and tell them they are going to get better, when you bring in a used hospital bed? And who looks forward to that?

But with our Tendercare bed, we were definitely looking forward to that. We had placed our order for a black, raised panel bed. It would look perfect in Dear Son’s bedroom. More important than that, he would have a “real” headboard. Not a fake, bamboo blind headboard that I made, so he would have something, but a real one. And we all know that having a “real” headboard on your bed, is good feng shui. And when you are sick, it’s important to pay attention to that.

Here is Dear Son's Tendercare bed with the side rail up. The bed remains fully functional with the slip-on headboards and footboards.

On Monday, our headboard arrived and it did not disappoint. It was absolutely beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Dear Son had a real bed. A real bed that still met his needs. I could still operate the hospital bed, raise and lower the bed, pull up the side rails, raise the head or the foot of the bed and no matter what I did, it would still look beautiful!

But the best part of all, was seeing Dear Son’s face. We had been talking about the bed for some time now. When he got the hospital bed the first time, from the durable medical equipment supplier, there was nothing to talk about. I had talked to the DME about getting him a brand new hospital bed, so we didn’t have to have an ugly used one, but that was just to make the idea of a hospital bed palatable. But this time, I could get excited about the bed and Dear Son could too! He came home from school and I wheeled his wheelchair straight into the bedroom. He looked right at his new bed and broke out in a big smile. His eyes lit up and he couldn’t stop smiling. Later, when I layed him in the bed for the first time, he looked straight up at the headboard with a big grin on his face. You could see it in his eyes, that he was happy. And that was the best part!

I called Gary to thank him for making this lovely bed for Dear Son. Gary had contacted me when he first started his business, asking me what I thought of his bed. I told him it was a fantastic idea and I thought many retailers would be happy to sell his beds. I told him that I imagined Pottery Barn and Nieman Marcus would want to carry his beds. After all, they are really nice. He made this bed especially for Dear Son and it’s the first time he used the third panel in the raised panel design. You can see this third panel on top of the raised panels on the headboard. I think this bed is just beautiful.

Note the third panel. This is the piece that is above the pillow sham. The raised panels sit behind the pillow sham.Here is a view of the headboard. You can see the two raised panels and then the third panel above. Can you believe it's a hospital bed?

Here is a picture of the head of the bed in the "raised" position. As you can see, the bed remains fully functional.

But what’s really amazing, is that he’s changed an industry. No longer do the Durable Medical Equipment (DME) providers have to sit back and wait for people to call them when they need a hospital bed. No, they can actually tell people that they have a hospital bed they will want. And therein lies the beauty of a Tendercare Bed. A Tendercare Bed is not only a bed that meets your needs, but a bed you will want. You don’t have to be ashamed to get your child this bed, or your wife this bed or your brother or sister this bed. You can order this bed and be proud. But the best part of this bed, is that when they get it, they will cry with tears of joy, not tears of sadness. Because when you get a hospital bed, that’s what used to happen, you would cry. You would cry because you lost your own bed, you would cry for what was coming ahead and you would cry for the life you were leaving behind. If you know of anyone who got a hospital bed, you will know that is true. They not only cry, they will beg you not to put them in a hospital bed. But this time is really different. Now you can cry for joy. And that’s exactly what I did when I saw Dear Son’s bed. I cried. It was beautiful.

Note: Dear Son suffers from a progressive neurological disease and intractable seizures as a result of a random mutation of the ARX gene. This mutation causes infantile spasms, dystonia and severe mental retardation.

Gary Owens is the owner of Tendercare Beds. If you would like more information or to purchase a Tendercare Bed, you can contact Tendercare Beds here.

This is Not Your Father's Hospital Bed- Part II

When Dear Son was two years old, we built our first new house. At that time, we knew of Dear Son's disabilities however we didn't have a good idea of what modifications we should make when building our new home. The home had an open floor plan, which I knew would be good, but trying to plan ten years or twenty years ahead, was difficult. We settled on a few things, making all doors in the house 36 inches wide, converting a first floor laundry room into a changing room/toy room for Dear Son and the biggest change of all had to do with the foundation. The builder was able to raise the foundation 8 inches which allowed the sidewalk to our front door, look normal and therefore there was only one step with which to maneuver the wheelchair. To this day, no one who drives down the street, would have any idea that our home was wheelchair friendly or handicapped accessible, which is exactly the point of "universal design." Since that time, I have learned that many of the changes that are made for the handicapped, are often enjoyed by everyone.

You may recall a few years back, when Dear Son required a hospital bed, that I was very reluctant. The last thing I wanted in my home was a giant hospital bed. It's bad enough to be in a hospital but to have one in our home, was well, a giant eyesore. I took the bed apart, painted it, created a faux headboard from a bamboo blind and ended up with a modern looking bed. A good solution nonetheless, but not great. That is, until I saw this bed.

This bed looks like a beautiful bed, but unless you know the secret, you might just assume that it's solid wood good looks are something you'd like in your own bedroom. After all, who wouldn't like a beautiful, hand crafted, solid wood bed. There is something especially lovely about a handmade bed. And it's no wonder that having a solid headboard on a bed is good feng shui. But what if I told you, that this is no ordinary bed. This bed, fits right over a hospital bed. And who wouldn't love that. And that is the beauty of "universal design". This bed not only fits over a standard hospital bed but would be lovely in any bedroom.

This bed is the creation of Gary Owens. He created the bed when his own wife became ill. I can't imagine the good energy that would create having such a beautiful bed in what could have been an ordinary hospital bed. The best thing about these beds, is they are not only pretty, but functional. I also think there is something special about a gift that is hand made.

Gary contacted me some time ago and asked me what I thought of his beds. I told him they were gorgeous. I said that they were so beautiful that he should not limit himself to marketing the beds to Durable Medical Equipment (DME) providers, but also to high end retailers. At the present time, I am not aware of any other bed that fits over hospital beds. In addition, while most DME providers do offer higher end hospital beds, they are expensive and most insurance companies won't pay for them. If you pay out of pocket for them, they still aren't a design that is very exciting and the problem is that once the hospital bed is no longer needed, you have just paid for a bed you'll never use again. And that's the beauty of tendercarebeds.com When you buy a Tendercare Bed, the bed fits over a standard hospital bed AND when you no longer need a hospital bed, you still have a lovely bed!

I can only hope that these new beds catch on. How lovely would it be to walk into a new children's hospital and see a lovely bed like this. More often than not, they invest in large screen televisions. That's fine, but when you spend a lot of time in the hospital, you want a hospital room that looks like home and you want your home to look like a home and not a hospital. I would imagine in this case, you could also have a decorative painter create a scene on this bed or add a child's name to it. And with this bed, you can have your cake and eat it too.

But this bed is not limited to any one group. I can only imagine that as the baby boomers age, and more hospital beds make their way into the home, that more people will want more than the just the standard hospital bed. I can see this business growing to include nightstands and matching dressers. Move over Pottery Barn and Nieman Marcus, Tendercare Beds is here to stay.

This is Not Your Father's Hospital Bed

You may recall several months ago, when I wrote this post regarding my feelings about getting Dear Son's new hospital bed. I was worried that it would look institutional and not feel like home. I thought I'd share with you the changes I made.


He received his hospital bed a while back. The bed had metal and plastic universal end pieces which meant the headboard and footboard were the same height. While perfectly functional, it looked odd with the headboard so short. I wanted to make the bed look more inviting, like a teenager's bed might be and more modern so I made a few changes.

Here is the before picture. Note the dreary color of the headboard and footboard and the low height. Very boring.



I took the bed apart and painted the headboard and footboard black. I decided to create a faux headboard to create some height to the actual headboard. This was a tad difficult since I could not remove the headboard on the hospital bed since it was functional. I decided to create something to sit behind the actual headboard that visually would look like the same headboard.

My initial idea was to create a mosaic glass tile headboard in shades of yellow to match the spread. The goal was the one inch glass tiles would mimic the pattern in the spread. I soon learned that not only is it difficult to find glass tiles, but there was a minimum quantity to order. The most difficult part was that yellow was the hardest of all colors to make so the selection was quite limited. I never found what I was looking for so I went to Plan B.

Plan B involved creating a faux headboard out of bamboo. I spray painted the bamboo a gloss black to match the newly painted headboard and footboard and had Dear Son's Dad attach it to the wall. This creates more height to the headboard visually and allows the bed to remain fully functional.



Here is a picture of the entire bed where you see both the headboard and the footboard.


After I finished the headboard, I labeled the items in his nightstand.


I still have a few more things to do; reline his nightstand, swap out the knobs from pewter to shiny silver ones to match the side rails, but other than that, it's done. I wanted it to reflect Dear Son so the picture above his bed is one I took at the Arboretum last fall. Dear Son loves the outdoors and we love to walk there. At least now, it feels more like a room and less like a hospital bed.

What was most surprising was Dear Son's reaction when I put him to bed. He couldn't stop looking at the headboard and smiling. He got up at 4:15 a.m. the next day and was staring at it. Any time he wakes up and needs his diaper changed, he looks at it and smiles. That's the best part of any makeover. Even Dear Son can see that.

The Hospital Bed-Part II

I had talked to Dear Son all morning about getting the new hospital bed. Today was the day it was going to be delivered. I often talk to him about what is happening that day, or what is going to happen, meaning where we are going, or why things are happening. I can usually tell by the expression on his face, if he gets it, and how he feels about it. But the hospital bed conversations, were going over like a lead balloon.

I try hard, to create some excitement for things that we are doing, especially those things that he really needs or has to do, like getting the new bed. I desperately need it so I can use the Hoyer Lift which does not fit under his current bed. From Dear Son’s standpoint, I was concerned about his comfort. His current mattress was relatively new. He had received it around Christmas time in December of 2004, when he was in the hospital. He had been bedridden for a while at that time and it seemed like the best thing we could do for him. As it turned out, he would sleep for months after that, unable to attend school in August of 2005. It took him ten months to recover from that hospitalization to where he could begin to attend school again.

I had spent the morning, taking apart his current bed, removing the headboard, taking the frame apart and then removing the mattresses to another room, until his father would pick them up and take them to Grandma’s. The delivery men were supposed to deliver the new bed in the afternoon. I had made a call to his father regarding picking up Dear Son’s mattress later that evening.

Dear Son was rocking in his chair as he listened to me talk to his father on the phone. As soon as he heard that his mattress was going to Grandma’s, he seemed relieved. I got off the phone and talked to him. I told him that he could sleep in his old bed when he went there. He suddenly began rocking faster and smiling. I asked him, “Were you worried that you were going away along with your mattress?” He stopped and looked me in the eye. I told him that he wasn’t going anywhere and that he was staying with me. Suddenly, he seemed happier and began rocking.

I thought back to a conversation that I had on the phone just a few weeks back when I was writing the ficticious Baby Toby conclusion. I was talking to a friend of mine and had explained the part about about the disabled twin brother going to an institution. Dear Son has gotten very upset and started to cry when he heard me talk about it and I immediately got off the phone and had to explain to him for twenty minutes that it was just a fake story and had nothing to do with him. So the conversation today about the new hospital bed had him worried that I was giving him up.

As I put him in his new bed that night, I told him how much I loved him and that he was never going away. I told him that he should never worry about that. I kissed him good night and hoped he would sleep well.

I woke up the next morning with the most glorious sound filling the house. It was Dear Son snoring, loud as can be. I think it was the best night’s sleep he’s had in a long time. And mine too.

*It’s been almost a week now since he’s had the new bed. He continues to sleep well since I am able to raise the head of the bed up, to keep him from choking on his saliva.

The Hospital Bed

I had avoided the hospital bed for as long as I could but it was now time to put aside my notions and order the dreaded bed. Over the last few years, there have been countless conversations by Dear Son’s physicians, therapists and well meaning people who tell me I should get a "hospital" bed for Dear Son. I always resist and tell them that it’s not necessary. I mean, we have spent a lot of time in the hospital over the last fifteen years and the absolute last thing I want in my home is a "hospital" bed.

The image of the oversized, ugly hospital bed looms in my head and I can’t quite allow it’s image. It’s the horrible foam mattress with the waterproof rubber exterior that somehow gets to me. It’s the hole in the center of the mattress so you can’t roll over. It’s the side rails that squeak with the hinges that never seem to work right. It’s the foam pads they place on them for seizure precautions that get stuck in the rails. It’s all of these things and more. I know because I slept on a few of them when I stayed with Dear Son. When I wasn’t sleeping on one of them, I was sleeping on a sofa that turned into a bed. Sounds more comfortable than it was, since it was more like a plywood panel padded with vinyl. My back would hurt so bad when I slept on them, that I could hardly walk the next day.

But Dear Son’s current bed was no longer working for him. The bed didn’t sit high enough for the Hoyer Lift to fit under it. I tried different casters to raise the bed but it didn’t work since the frame kept buckling. I tried three different frames however none of them worked. I tried lifting weights to stay strong to continue lifting Dear Son. But in the end, it was pointless. I needed to use the Hoyer Lift for lifting and no amount of weight lifting was going to help me lift his 150 plus pound body indefinitely. After all, he is still growing, getting heavier and taller by the minute.

I went on-line and found a beautiful bed. It was even a demo which made it less expensive. I was hoping that I might be able to get it approved by the insurance and it wouldn’t look so bad. But it was not going to happen. So I went to our current durable medical equipment vendor to see the bed that our insurance most likely would approve. It was a “long” twin bed, with a metal headboard and footboard, not nearly as bulky as I imagined. I asked for split rails, instead of a full rail to make it easier and safer for Dear Son. The vendor assured me the mattress was “very firm”. He told me to try it out. I layed on the mattress. It was better than the old ones in the hospital but it was still very uncomfortable, or should I say, horrible.

The bed will be here in a few days. I have decided I will try and make the bed as nice as possible. I am going to try to use Dear Son’s current mattress, which shouldn’t be a problem, as long as I don’t raise and lower the head or foot of the bed. I don’t need either of those right now, I just need to be able to raise and lower it to make dressing and changing easier for me. And I need to be able to get the Hoyer Lift under the bed.

I am going out to get some new sheets and bedding for his new bed. I am thinking about ways to upholster the headboard and footboard to make it look less institutional. I think I have that resolved. I am going to make it look as much like a teenager’s room as I can, trying to get Dear Son excited about this latest transition.

It’s not much fun when you bedroom begins to look like a hospital room. I already have the IV pole, the feeding pump, the diapers, changing pads, wipes, etc. I suppose adding the hospital bed won’t really matter. The only thing left is having the nurse come in the middle of the night to give his meds. I have avoided that up to now choosing instead to forgo some sleep for my privacy.

But what will I tell Dear Son? That is the question. Your home is not a hospital. Your home is the one place that you have that you can come home to and everything is exactly as you like it. You “create” a home. It’s not a hotel, it’s not a hospital, it’s a home. It’s where you come when you get “out” of the hospital. It’s the place where you look forward to sleeping in your “own” bed. But when your “own” bed is a hospital bed, what is there to look forward to? What will I tell Dear Son the next time we are in the hospital? How nice it will be to sleep in his own “hospital” bed?