Organization Friday~The Importance of Homekeeping

In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I am a real homebody. Yes, I really like homemaking. I like everything about it actually and really enjoy it when things look perfect. Homemaking isn’t very popular, nor is it something that is discussed very often. The closest thing I see women verbalizing is looking for a cleaning schedule or something like that. The problem with homemaking or housekeeping is that it can very boring. Somehow, the repetitive tasks can almost drive you nuts. And I am not sure there is anyone, when given the choice of doing something awesome or making the bed, chooses to make the bed. But I also don’t know anyone, when given the choice between sleeping in a beautiful bedroom, with crisp linens versus a bedroom with an unmade bed and all cluttered up, would chose the latter. But I really like this stuff. I remember one time reading about a finishing school of sorts for caretakers where they taught you how to run a home like a business, making it almost a seamless work of art. This was some twenty years ago and I remember wanting to use one of my week’s vacation to go to this school for the training. Only I wasn’t being paid to run someone else’s home, I just wanted my home to run beautifully, with a place for everything and everything in it’s place.

Apparently, I am sort of alone. I have yet to meet anyone who really gets into it. I try to have these conversations with women about housekeeping, but most don’t really care. Our conversation never really makes it beyond getting the house clean. Most of the discussion evolves around whether or not they have a service to clean their home versus doing it themselves. I even tried joining an internet group for housekeeping ladies, but most of them were struggling to keep up their homes. I want to be part of a group of ladies whose goal is “excellent housekeeping”. I envision we’d have our little internet group and then we’d meet at someone’s home for a proper tea, to discuss our homemaking victories and tips.

Now that my secret it out, it probably won’t surprise you that I checked out a few books on homekeeping at the library, four to be exact. I go on-line and order my books and one in particular caught my attention. I had read an excerpt of, “Mrs. Dunwoody’s Excellent Instructions for Homekeeping” on a website and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. This book was a real pleasure to read. There are many books out there that give homemaking tips but rarely the one that has “real” tips, meaning tips that really work and not merely tips to fill the pages of a book. It was fashioned around the traditional notes that southern women penned regarding housekeeping and living a beautiful life. Back then, nineteenth-century southern women kept these “receipt books” as they were called, where they included everything from tips on homekeeping to the proper rules of “decent” behavior. I found this fascinating of course.

Mrs. Dunwoody is a fictional character loosely based on the author’s great grandmother and other inspiring women. The book was written to provide the reader with advice and wisdom typical of these receipt books and yet, as you read the book, you begin to have a hard time separating fact from fiction. On the one hand, you find yourself engulfed in Mrs. Dunwoody’s life as if you were right there. Because the wisdom is timeless, many of the tips are useful today. And then of course, I’d remember how my mother did things and how my grandmother did things and that fundamentally, they weren’t that different. Being an orderly person myself, I couldn’t help but compare her daily, weekly, monthly and seasonal tasks on her domestic calendar to my own routines. I was struck by how similar they actually were. Of course, I don’t have a receipt book but I do have a “HOME” manual that I created myself, with “HOME” being an acronym for, “Home Organization Manual for Efficiency”.

What was most striking about this book, was the sense of importance of homekeeping in shaping the lives of our children and everyone in the home. No longer was keeping our home in order just a matter of cleanliness or decoration but the fundamental reason was to create a sort of optimal foundation for our children and everyone in the home to thrive. She says, “Our family members will carry the atmosphere we create in our homes for the rest of our lives.” “Organization has more benefits than mere efficiency, knowing your life is in order reduces strife and anxiety and increases confidence.” She uses various examples of how when we are rushed, we can’t be at our best or when we spend time looking for things that we can’t focus on what’s really important. She goes on to talk about how our family members will carry on the atmosphere that we create in our homes for the rest of their lives. She talks about the importance of order and that without it, none of the occupants in the home can reach their full potential. “When we make conscious decisions about the order in which we shall tend to our dates and our lives, everyone in the home thrives.” Meaning, we can focus on other things when we can find the things we need in our homes and when we have a sense of order and routine. When you understand this concept, the “receipt books”, as they were called, bring a whole new sense of importance to the art of homekeeping. No longer are we just keeping house, but we are really creating an optimum environment for our children and everyone in our house to thrive.

Imagine for a moment, a child getting off to school without order in the home. Without order, the child might not wake up in time. He’d have to search through the laundry for something to wear, because nothing was clean. Then if it was cleaned, it might be wrinkled. Without a proper breakfast, breakfast would be out of a box, if anything at all. Being late, he’d try to grab his backpack, but he wasn’t quite sure where he left it, so he’d frantically search for the backpack, hoping the school bus would still be waiting outside.

Now imagine for a moment, a home that is in order, where excellence in homekeeping is aspired. The boy, would get up on time, having time to get his teeth brushed and get his bed made before school. His Mom would have a healthy breakfast for him which would help him flourish at school, since he could think well, having proper nourishment. His backpack would be ready to go, on the landing pad and his coat would be hung up on the hooks near the door. The day would be off to a great start.

In both situations, the child hasn’t arrived at school. We haven’t even addressed whether or not the child might have some other things going on, such as ADD, which would make his life more challenging. Given these scenarios, one would think we should place a bigger value on order and homekeeping.

In the end, I couldn’t think of a more inspirational book as we prepare our children for the “Back to School” season. As Mrs. Dunwoody said, “We must approach every task as a blessing to be received, never as a chore.” As I changed Dear Son’s sheets for the second time in a day, I kept Mrs. Dunwoody’s words in mind. Making a nice home for the people we love is important.

Sink or Swim: When Things Go South at the Pool

Here the aide is taking Dear Son into the pool via the pool wheelchair. Dear Son is to the left of the man in the blue swim trunks in the center of this picture.

We talked this morning, as we always do, as I am getting him dressed for school. I talk about what will be happening that day at summer school, since every day brings a different activity. Some days they swim, some days they have art projects and other days it’s music. The afternoon session, which is two days a week, is run by the special needs recreation co-operative. They have an in-house activity on Tuesday and a field trip every Thursday. It was looking to be a fun summer.

I had just attended school earlier in the week, for parent open house. When I got there, Dear Son was sitting in the wheelchair getting his lunch via the feeding tube. As I leaned over to kiss his head, I noticed his shorts were wet, which meant he needed to be changed. I told the aide, whom I had never met, that he was wet and needed to be changed. He acted like it wasn’t a big deal and said he’d change him after his lunch. The only problem with that, was that his lunch wasn’t over for another hour and a half. At home, I don’t do that. I never let him sit in his urine. His Dad is the same way. We change him as soon as possible. I talked to the aide a little more but I just wasn’t feeling too great about the whole changing thing.

This morning, as I was getting Dear Son ready for school, I talked to him about swimming. Wednesday’s and Friday’s were swim days at the pool. I had missed Parents Day at the swimming pool a few weeks back, because I was working, so I opted to come today. I was so excited. I love coming to see Dear Son swim, because he loves it so much. Even people who have never worked with Dear Son directly at school, know he loves the pool. He’s one of the first ones in and the last one out. I'd bring my camera and take pictures of his smiling face. I figured I’d take the pictures, then go home and compare them to last years pictures, to see how much he’s grown. I can’t tell you how excited I was to go today.

I mentioned this to Dear Son, that I’d see him at the swimming pool, as I was getting him dressed. He made a sad face, which was really odd. He loves it when I come to school to see him. I couldn’t quite figure it out. I thought something might be wrong but I had no reason to think otherwise. As I got him in the wheelchair for school, he had a small seizure. I was able to stop it with the magnet by holding it over his vagus nerve stimulator. Dear Son has been having seizures off and on for a few weeks now and recently we made some medicine changes which had been helping.

Another picture of him going in the swimming pool.

I arrived at the pool to see them taking Dear Son into the water. They have a zero grade pool, I think that’s what it’s called, where the pool depth starts at around an inch, then gradually gets deeper. They used the hoyer lift to lift him into the pool wheelchair, then rolled the wheelchair into the water. The aide soon brought Dear Son over to “his spot” at the pool. His spot was in the three foot section of water.

This is a photo of Dear Son today, right before his seizure. Notice that the life vest has already started going up on his head. While it looks somewhat secure in this photo, the straps were so loose that they floated up on the side of Dear Son. You can see Dear Son is very tense and the aide does not have a grip on him nor is he holding him securely.

I was quite alarmed when I saw Dear Son. The aide, was hardly holding him at all and his life vest wasn’t secure. I took a picture and then things headed south pretty quickly. Dear Son began having a seizure. His hands started shaking and his eyes started squinting, almost like a frown. Soon his mouth was foaming and he was having trouble swallowing and breathing. I told the aide he was having a seizure and he needed to get a better grip on him. He didn’t listen. I told him again that he needed to hold him better. With that, the life vest began to float off around Dear Son’s head and he began sinking in the pool. I began yelling at him to grab him since I thought he was going to drown. I panicked and looked around and there weren’t any other men around to help. Dear Son is a big guy and it’s pretty easy to lose control of him, no matter how much you don’t want to. And in the water, well, he’s slippery. His seizure started getting worse and his mouth was foaming even more. He was sinking in the water and the life vest was falling off. I told the aide that he had to grab him and get him out of the water. Finally, someone helped get him up to the side of the pool. I told them that I wanted him out the water right away. Finally, I was able to get someone to get his teacher, who was far across the pool, and they got the pool wheelchair and attempted to get him in there. It took two men and when that failed, they had to call in someone else to help get him in the wheelchair.

If that weren’t enough, having him almost drown, the Summer School Coordinator, didn’t see a problem. He felt that Dear Son was safe. When I explained that it wasn’t safe to have him in the pool with a life vest that hadn’t been secured, he said that he was there every day and he thought things were o.k. I explained that the aide didn’t secure the life vest appropriately, missed the fact that Dear Son had a seizure, didn’t have another aide close by as a back up, and couldn’t hold Dear Son on his own. That is not safe. I told him no more swimming for Dear Son. He tried to reason with me explaining that there were only two more swimming days left and that I should let him swim. I told him that if he wasn’t safe, that was two more opportunities for him to drown and that I wasn’t willing to take that chance. I told him I didn’t want to be planning a funeral. I mean, Dear Son can’t stand, can’t swim, can’t walk, can’t talk and has seizures. He has limited use of his hands/arms. If he gets into trouble, he can’t help himself in any way. It’s not like I am being overprotective for a normal child. Dear Son has some significant disabilities and significant issues that present a real safety issue in the pool.

This is the picture from last year in the pool. Notice the life vest is secure and the aide is holding Dear Son securely. You can see both of his hands supporting Dear Son. Note how relaxed Dear Son is in the pool; I called this, "Zen Swimming".

As I was leaving the pool, his teacher came up and wanted to talk. I explained the situation and he kept saying that he thought he was safe. I told him that the vest wasn’t secure and that the aide didn’t have a grip on him and that there weren’t any other aides around. He said that it’s normal for the one aide to take care of Dear Son and so far things were fine. I told him I didn’t want him swimming anymore. He wanted to know what he could do so that Dear Son could still swim on swim days. He stated that he loved the pool so much that he wanted him to swim. He asked if I would agree to let him swim if they secured the vest and had two people with him and explained that there were only two swimming days left.

This is a picture from last year. Notice how the aide was holding him and how Dear Son was secure. Also notice that there are three other men in the photo that could help if he got in trouble.

As I left the pool, I was crying. This was supposed to be a fun day, seeing him happy at the pool. Instead, I almost saw him drown. And worse, they didn’t have an issue with that. It just goes to show you that you have to be involved. I try to trust people with Dear Son but honestly, when this stuff happens, I can’t feel good about that. What if I wasn’t there? What if he drowned?

I went home and called the pediatric neurologist. While waiting for him to call back, I checked out the summer school forms I signed a few weeks back. Normally, the doc writes on the form that in order to swim there must be two aides there. When I looked at the form, the form was a release form, releasing them from any liability in case of an accident. No wonder, it was o.k. They knew they wouldn’t be liable. I had forgotten that I had signed that but on the flip side, he can’t attend summer school without it, so what is a parent to do?

After speaking with his neurologist, he stated that it wasn’t safe for Dear Son to swim. I am feeling really bad right now. It’s so hard sometimes, now that Dear Son is so fragile. I worry all the time that I’ll miss something and he’ll die or he’ll die in his sleep from a seizure. I lay awake some nights counting his breaths or making sure that he is breathing o.k. before I allow myself to fall asleep. If he sleeps too long, I worry he died. I try to check on him regularly to make sure things are o.k. I try to get up every two hours or so, to turn him over at night, since he can’t roll over on his own, so he doesn’t get any bedsores. I know it’s getting near the end for him and I am not willing to let him go. I just wanted to do what every other Mom does; I just wanted to see him smile today. Instead, he almost drowned.

Organization Friday~ Progress Not Perfection

Employee Lunchroom Remodel

It can be pretty exciting to see a dramatic makeover. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like a great before and after. Many times, as soon as people are done admiring the makeover, there comes a point where they want that same thing for themselves. It doesn’t matter if you are looking at a magazine, watching a decorating show or seeing a before and after picture of someone who has lost a lot of weight. At that point, it’s not uncommon to start hearing the objections or reasons they couldn’t do that in “real life”. How often have you heard someone say after seeing a contestant on “The Biggest Loser”, “Well, I could lose weight too if I didn’t have to work and all I did was stay at the ranch all day.” Or when Oprah lost weight, people would say, “Well, I could do that too if I had a personal chef…” People like to make excuses as to why they couldn’t achieve the same result.

It’s great to be inspired by makeover shows. They are exciting and they usually promise what they deliver…a fantastic result! In real life, it takes a lot of changes for them to get to the end result. The end result is the culmination of a lot of little victories or little goals along the way. It’s not just one thing but a lot of things. But looking over the show, we like to project of what life would be like if things were “perfect”. We’d like to think that if we stayed at the ranch, we’d lose all of that weight or if we had a personal chef, we could achieve great things. The problem is perfection. We think that to achieve great results, we have to be perfect.

I was at a client’s house last week when she pulled out her a canvas bin with plastic baggies inside. On the outside of the canvas bin was a handwritten label that said, “Baggies”. Inside the bin, contained multiple gallon zip loc bags each with different size baggies inside. She had one for the snack size baggies, one for the sandwich, one for the quart size, etc. One the outside of each bag she wrote the size in a magic marker. She did it to make it easier for her young daughter to fix her lunch.

I noticed the bin and told her I really liked it. She said she got the bin and put the label on it the other day. I told her that it looked really nice and that I was proud of her. I have worked with her for a while now and she has always been the client that likes “being” organized (meaning hiring an organizer to organize her stuff) versus doing it with the organizer. But this time, she took the initiative, on her own, got a bin, labeled the baggies and labeled the bin. This was a huge step. I was really excited for her. We talked some more and she said that in the past, she wasn’t bothered when the house wasn’t organized or if it was messy, but now she likes it when it’s clean (she has a cleaning service) and organized and she wants to keep it that way. This was a huge step for her. I like to think of it as a light bulb moment for her.

Labels on bins in Employee Kitchen Remodel

As I looked at the label, I thought about it for a minute. If I were doing the label, I would have used the label maker and/or created a pretty label. She could have done the same thing. After all, she did have a label maker. (I ask that all clients purchase one for their own home so that they can label things when they need it.) But that wasn’t the point. The point was that she took the initiative and did this herself. She recognized a problem and fixed it.

How often that many women would have got caught up in the perfectionism of the label. They might have searched for the perfect bin or worse yet, purchased a bin without measuring hoping it would fit! Or they might have put off the project since they didn’t have the bin or put off the project because they didn’t have time to make a label. The list could go on and on. When you get caught up in perfectionism, you miss making any progress at all! Far better to take baby steps than no steps! More importantly, making this bin wasn’t a baby step, but it was real progress. In the past, she would have done nothing and it would have been just fine. But now, she wants more for herself. She is taking actions to support living the lifestyle she wants to live. She is getting herself organized so she can live this way. This is huge!

And how easy would it be when she has another minute on another day to create a label or better yet, a pretty label for the bin.

Sometimes, when we are trying to make a change, we need to remind ourselves that it’s o.k. if everything isn’t perfect. It’s progress over perfection. In terms of organizing, I like to think of this as function over beauty. Get the function down first, then make it beautiful; in this case, using a bin she already had and creating the label is making baggie storage functional first. She can always come back and make it beautiful by getting a prettier bin or attaching a pretty label.

As we finished up our talk, I reminded her of the motto for my business: “Keep it simple. Get organized. Make it beautiful.” I told her that when we make things nice, we want to keep them that way and that was the reason for the motto.

Notice that the motto has keeping it simple and getting organized before making it beautiful. It’s o.k. to make baby steps. Just make sure to pat yourself on the back once in a while.

Note: I am a Professional Organizer and Home Stager and own my own business, Dream Organizers. My motto is: "Keep it simple. Get organized. Make it beautiful."

Reminder: All posts on the blog are Copyright 2009.

Make a Wish Trip Approved!

Tonight I received a call from our Make a Wish Volunteer and she told me that Dear Son's Wish Trip to Florida had been approved. Thank you for all of your wonderful suggestions. We will be staying at the Give the Kids the World Village and will be going for Dear Son's 18th birthday! Give the Kids the World is a 51 acre resort for children with life threatening illnesses that want to visit Walt Disney World and other central Florida locations. He is going to love this!

We will be staying there for seven days. They have arranged for a "Meet and Greet with Barney" which was one of my requests. Dear Son has adored Barney for many years and although he doesn't play with him as much now, he still was Dear Son's favorite toy. You may recall a story I wrote about him here. Basically, once we give the o.k. on the dates (Dad needs to get vacation approval at work), they'll begin the planning.

When the Make a Wish volunteers were here, I gave them several ideas based on your suggestions. I also talked about the things Dear Son loves, namely:

1. Swimming-He loves to lie in a hot tub or a swimming pool.
   
2. Country Music-He likes all of it but especially Gretchen Wilson. You can read about that here.
   
3. Barney-I thought maybe he'd like to meet him and perhaps even celebrate his birthday there.
   
4. Animals-He loves animals and they love him. We thought maybe he'd like the Disney Animal Kingdom Resort or swimming with the dolphins.
   
5. Massage for Dear Son. His legs and feet swell a lot and I thought that he might enjoy it.
   
6. ET ride at Universal Studios. One woman sent me an e-mail and said her son was granted a wish. She said the favorite moment of her trip was when he did the ET ride. Part of the ride is where they have you fly in the air on bicycles like in the movie ET. They had special spots to tie down a wheelchair and she said she can still picture his expression when his wheelchair took off into the air flying! He has since passed away but she still remembers this ride as the highlight of her son's trip. Dear Son has always wanted to run like the other boys and I bet he would really like the feeling of freedom that this ride would provide.
   
7. Polynesian Luau-I thought he might like the hula and fire dancers.

We won't know the actual itinerary until a few weeks before our trip. The Make a Wish Foundation has already set up a few things we'll need, such as a hoyer lift and a wheelchair van so we can get around with Dear Son. We also expressed concern of having a place to change him and they have already worked that out. (He wears diapers.) What is surprising is that they think of everything. They have arranged for diapers and formula for Dear Son as well. I would not have imagined that they would supply those nor did we ask.

One other thing that has been especially nice is our Make a Wish volunteers. One of them invited me on facebook and I've had the pleasure of getting to know her a little better and meeting her family. It's really made the whole wish experience a little nicer.

And the best part about the trip being granted, is that it is just in time for my birthday which is today. I can't think of a better birthday wish than to have the trip of a lifetime granted for my darling son. To see him smile will be the best part of the trip.

Happy 4th of July...A Lazy Summer Day

Dear Son and I enjoy taking walks in our area. I thought I might show you the walking trail near our apartment. It was one of the reasons I moved here. I think it's important to have a nice trail close to home, so it's easy to use. We walk this most days from June through October. I took the photos in order along the trail. Walking across the street, we start at the clubhouse of our apartment complex.

Going around the clubhouse is the swing (not pictured) which overlooks the river that runs along the apartment complex and golf course. The trail runs parallel to the clubhouse swimming pool, which is in the background. Our pool is quite nice, complete with fountains and pretty landscaping.

It's always relaxing walking along the trail and looking out over the river. We see a lot of ducks here and the red winged blackbirds are his favorite; they sing to him all of the time.



The bunnies come out here. We also see some beautiful butterflies in this area. These are the townhomes next to our apartment complex.

Passing more luxury townhomes.

I always love the look of paths in an area.

We see the blue herons in this area along the riverbank.

There are many bridges over the river. We are standing on one looking over the river and golf course. We've walked about a quarter of a mile at this point, not very far.

On the opposite side of the golf course are the homes that back up to the golf course. We love the pretty flowers here.

This is one of my favorite areas.

A nice picture of Dear Son and his pretty blue eyes. He is always quiet for most of our walks but he really loves them. It's getting a bit hard to push him though. The trail is not quite level; something you wouldn't notice if you were walking alone but something that is quite noticeable if you are trying to balance and push a hundred pound wheelchair with a young man in it!

Looking across the golf course. Our apartment complex in on the left in the rear of the picture.

More views of the golf course and nature area.

We are at the one mile mark about now. The entire trail is about 2.85 miles, or at least that is what we typically walk.

We walked to the end and are heading back home now.

I love this area here. Very secluded and tranquil. We see lots of squirrels and hear some beautiful song birds in this area.

Only 1/4 of a mile from home now. I love these bushes.

Almost home. Dear Son loves the sounds of the fountains in the front of our clubhouse. He always looks at them when we pass them.

Done! Time for a nap in the chair. Wiggles, our cat is eyeing the top of the chair, his favorite spot.
Notice his short legs!

We hope you enjoyed our little walk. I hope you get some time to get out and enjoy the weather and take some time to relax.

As for Dear Son, he's been having a hard time these past few days. He had another big seizure on Wednesday and couldn't go to school. Ped Neuro Doc increased one of his meds however it may take a bit for us to see the effect. Dear Son continues to have seizures, along with some severe choking episodes at night. I haven't slept much in the last two days and neither has he. Typically, I see more choking episodes as the seizures increase. Last night was a bit better than the night before and I am hoping we get some sleep tonight. He continues to be agitated and restless at times, which I suspect are also seizure related.

Have a wonderful holiday.